The following tips are for preventing a variety of allergy causing situations:
Dust Mite
1) wash bedding weekly in water that is at least 130 degrees.
2) place dust mite covers on mattresses and pillows.
3) replace carpets with solid floors.
4) use low pile instead of shag carpets
5) avoid upholstered furniture, opt for leather or wood.
6) use slipcovers on upholstered furniture and wash in hot water.
7) check filters monthly: air conditioner, furnace, dehumidifier
8) get rid of clutter, dust weekly.
Mold
1) keep bathrooms dry by running a fan when showering.
2) squeegie walls after a shower.
3) use paint or tile instead of wallpaper.
4) fix leaky plumbing immediately.
5) keep humidity below 50% by using a dehumidifier.
Pets
1) keep pets out of the bedrooms.
2) keep pets clean
3) wash pet bedding or clean places they frequently lay down.
4) get hypo-allergenic pets that don't shed.
Pest
1) hire an exterminator if you find bugs.
2) caulk edges where bugs may enter the home.
12.31.2011
Keeping the Bath Sink Clean
We have dual sinks in our master bathroom. My husband uses one, and I use the other. His sink always has toothpaste drips all over the faucet. After watching him to determine why this was, I realized the following:
Water softens the toothbrush bristles, but he was using it to soften the toothpaste on the toothbrush.
I have mentioned this to him, explaining the effect his wet toothpaste has on the faucet. I have invited him to clean his own sink and tried not to look at it. I have frustratingly scrubbed his sink harder and more often than mine. I have given up and ignore him when he is going to brush his teeth.
My opportunity is with my children. They all get out their toothbrushes, wet the bristles, turn off the water, THEN apply toothpaste. They brush while they hum Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twice through, then they turn the water back on and clean their toothbrush, rinse their mouths then the cup. They put their toothbrush in the drawer and get out the floss.
If I am not supervising, I do find toothpaste in various places in the bathroom. On the hand towel, on the shower curtain, in the sink, on the counter. Their bathroom gets cleaned each day and as they grow in maturity and coordination, the mess is less each year. I just use Huggies Natural Care baby wipes for surface cleaning and a nail brush for scrubbing each week. The toilet brush swipes the bowl each day so nothing settles at the water line. The linens are washed regularly and the mirror gets wiped weekly with a natural window cleaner and a lint-free cloth.
In the end, I clean my husbands sink weekly along with the back of the toilet and floors. I love having a clean bathroom. Then I go buy myself a bouquet of flowers for the diningroom table, and smile as I walk through the house or use the bathroom. My husband knows that flowers are less expensive that marriage counseling, and by seeing the flowers I am able to forgive him a wide variety of imperfections. Having something beautiful really makes a difference in the drudgery of house cleaning.
Water softens the toothbrush bristles, but he was using it to soften the toothpaste on the toothbrush.
I have mentioned this to him, explaining the effect his wet toothpaste has on the faucet. I have invited him to clean his own sink and tried not to look at it. I have frustratingly scrubbed his sink harder and more often than mine. I have given up and ignore him when he is going to brush his teeth.
My opportunity is with my children. They all get out their toothbrushes, wet the bristles, turn off the water, THEN apply toothpaste. They brush while they hum Twinkle Twinkle Little Star twice through, then they turn the water back on and clean their toothbrush, rinse their mouths then the cup. They put their toothbrush in the drawer and get out the floss.
If I am not supervising, I do find toothpaste in various places in the bathroom. On the hand towel, on the shower curtain, in the sink, on the counter. Their bathroom gets cleaned each day and as they grow in maturity and coordination, the mess is less each year. I just use Huggies Natural Care baby wipes for surface cleaning and a nail brush for scrubbing each week. The toilet brush swipes the bowl each day so nothing settles at the water line. The linens are washed regularly and the mirror gets wiped weekly with a natural window cleaner and a lint-free cloth.
In the end, I clean my husbands sink weekly along with the back of the toilet and floors. I love having a clean bathroom. Then I go buy myself a bouquet of flowers for the diningroom table, and smile as I walk through the house or use the bathroom. My husband knows that flowers are less expensive that marriage counseling, and by seeing the flowers I am able to forgive him a wide variety of imperfections. Having something beautiful really makes a difference in the drudgery of house cleaning.
Annual Retrospective
What if once a year you asked yourself the same questions and wrote them down for future review? On the inside cover of a single subject spiral notebook you could write some meaningful questions, and then on the first page, write the date across the top, and start answering the questions honestly in full detail to give a picture of who you are at the time. Ask yourself about your hopes and dreams, likes and dislikes, pet peeves and lessons learned, things you are most grateful for and your most precious thoughts to be recorded.
The questions may change, and can be added along with the date on the inside cover. On the outside cover you can write Annual Check In, or New Year Journal, or Birthday Review. Pick a date that brings you to do some self-reflecting and keep it in a place where you will remember to check it out each year. Maybe this is a good time to go through your closet and toss clothes you never wear, or move them into the rotation. Maybe this is a good time to look around your house and ask yourself if you are happy with each item you see. Do your surroundings reflect who you want to be? Are you happy in your environment? Is there anything that you would change if you could do whatever you want? Give yourself permission and see what you can accomplish!
I always thought that I was stuck with my backyard the way that I bought it, when I realized that I had the ability to change it. All I really wanted is a tree moved and more grass planted. Those two things are easy to do, especially if I just work on it an hour a week. My yard looks so much more open and inviting without the tree blocking half of the view. I have also been able to trim and remove other greenery that was crowded and spider infested, so my dark corners are cleaned out and less dismal.
As I look into my closet for something to wear, I sigh because I don't love very many of my clothes. Many of them are waiting for me to lose a few pounds, but the ones that I love, love me the way that I am. I have decided to set aside $5 a week to go shopping at the local second hand store. I don't go clothes shopping every week, so it will add up at the end of the month when I find a sitter and spend the better part of an afternoon browsing and trying on gently used clothes. Wearing clothes that make me smile and feel happy about how I look gives me confidence and helps me be the person I want to be.
The things that we surround ourselves with reflects on who we are. If it is cluttered, we are cluttered inside and we may have trouble improving or accomplishing. If it is warm, and inviting, or cold and impersonal, what does that say about us? What are we trying to say with the things that are around us all of the time? Most of the time, setting aside an hour a week is sufficient to make significant changes over a lifetime. One hour focused on an area. Maybe you can do it while you watch tv. Maybe while you are doing laundry. Maybe while you are upset and trying to work something through in your mind.
For my yard, I have committed to filling my green waste bin every single week. The garbage truck comes on Wednesday, around 5:30 or 6am. I usually check the weather report for the week, and choose the warmest day to set aside an hour or two to clearing out fallen leaves, dead brush, weeds, mowing, trimming back overgrowth. I'm done when my bin is full. The rest is saved for the next week. I find it deeply satisfying to make a difference in my yard each week, and feel happier knowing that I am making progress, and maintaining improvements. I'm also satisfied that I'm saving hundreds of dollars by not paying someone else to do it. Also, I've been able to meet more of my neighbors by being outside regularly for hours at a time.
The questions may change, and can be added along with the date on the inside cover. On the outside cover you can write Annual Check In, or New Year Journal, or Birthday Review. Pick a date that brings you to do some self-reflecting and keep it in a place where you will remember to check it out each year. Maybe this is a good time to go through your closet and toss clothes you never wear, or move them into the rotation. Maybe this is a good time to look around your house and ask yourself if you are happy with each item you see. Do your surroundings reflect who you want to be? Are you happy in your environment? Is there anything that you would change if you could do whatever you want? Give yourself permission and see what you can accomplish!
I always thought that I was stuck with my backyard the way that I bought it, when I realized that I had the ability to change it. All I really wanted is a tree moved and more grass planted. Those two things are easy to do, especially if I just work on it an hour a week. My yard looks so much more open and inviting without the tree blocking half of the view. I have also been able to trim and remove other greenery that was crowded and spider infested, so my dark corners are cleaned out and less dismal.
As I look into my closet for something to wear, I sigh because I don't love very many of my clothes. Many of them are waiting for me to lose a few pounds, but the ones that I love, love me the way that I am. I have decided to set aside $5 a week to go shopping at the local second hand store. I don't go clothes shopping every week, so it will add up at the end of the month when I find a sitter and spend the better part of an afternoon browsing and trying on gently used clothes. Wearing clothes that make me smile and feel happy about how I look gives me confidence and helps me be the person I want to be.
The things that we surround ourselves with reflects on who we are. If it is cluttered, we are cluttered inside and we may have trouble improving or accomplishing. If it is warm, and inviting, or cold and impersonal, what does that say about us? What are we trying to say with the things that are around us all of the time? Most of the time, setting aside an hour a week is sufficient to make significant changes over a lifetime. One hour focused on an area. Maybe you can do it while you watch tv. Maybe while you are doing laundry. Maybe while you are upset and trying to work something through in your mind.
For my yard, I have committed to filling my green waste bin every single week. The garbage truck comes on Wednesday, around 5:30 or 6am. I usually check the weather report for the week, and choose the warmest day to set aside an hour or two to clearing out fallen leaves, dead brush, weeds, mowing, trimming back overgrowth. I'm done when my bin is full. The rest is saved for the next week. I find it deeply satisfying to make a difference in my yard each week, and feel happier knowing that I am making progress, and maintaining improvements. I'm also satisfied that I'm saving hundreds of dollars by not paying someone else to do it. Also, I've been able to meet more of my neighbors by being outside regularly for hours at a time.
12.29.2011
Brain Balance
The new self improvement thing is called Brain Balance. The brain is made up of two hemispheres. Occasionally, we get stuck with unwanted behaviors because we are unable to cross the median and access both halves of our brain. There are physical activities that we can do to encourage a leap between left brain and right brain such as crawling. The amount of progress that can be made by accomplishing a few simple tasks suggested by a trained professional is astounding.
I suggest the following as a jumping off point:
www.brainbalancecenters.com/
www.braingym.org
May you live long and prosper.
I suggest the following as a jumping off point:
www.brainbalancecenters.com/
www.braingym.org
May you live long and prosper.
Creating a Gratitude List
Toward the end of the year or the beginning of a new year, there is much talk about making lists. I was challenged to write a list of 100 things to be grateful for. This seemed immediately daunting, tho I could go incredibly minute, being grateful for each hair on my head, then I found the suggestions below.
List 10 things in each of the following categories that you are grateful for:
physical abilities
material posessions
living people
deceased people
about nature
places on earth
foods
modern inventions
life experiences
things about today
If you write ten things from those ten categories, you have 100 varied items. This is just the jumping off point, and by pondering what else you can be grateful for, I believe you will be surprised and humbled.
Last Thanksgiving the following poem was shared with me, and I've copied a portion of it here:
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times,
For during those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
They give you opportunities to improve.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
They will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes,
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
Because it means you've made a difference.
We are reminded to be grateful for our trials and struggles, and I believe that the easiest way to accomplish this seemingly impossible task is to remember the baby bird who has to emerge from its shell on its own, with no help, to gain the strength necessary for its survival.
As a parent it is difficult to see our children struggle. We can solve their problems efficiently and effectively, but if we do this, we rob our children of the opportunity to grow in that instance. Even offering them the solution keeps them from having to think of it themselves or work toward finding a solution and feeling that satisfaction. This is not to say that we cannot ask them questions that will help lead their thinking in another direction or mentor them in some way that still allows them to grow. How rewarding is it for us then, when they do succeed and we see them reveling in their accomplishment? So much better than the general thought of their innocent incompetence when we used to do it for them automatically.
I am grateful for the miracle of conception and for the opportunity to naturally birth 4 growing and struggling children.
List 10 things in each of the following categories that you are grateful for:
physical abilities
material posessions
living people
deceased people
about nature
places on earth
foods
modern inventions
life experiences
things about today
If you write ten things from those ten categories, you have 100 varied items. This is just the jumping off point, and by pondering what else you can be grateful for, I believe you will be surprised and humbled.
Last Thanksgiving the following poem was shared with me, and I've copied a portion of it here:
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,
If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something,
For it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times,
For during those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations,
They give you opportunities to improve.
Be thankful for each new challenge,
They will build your strength and character.
Be thankful for your mistakes,
They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary,
Because it means you've made a difference.
We are reminded to be grateful for our trials and struggles, and I believe that the easiest way to accomplish this seemingly impossible task is to remember the baby bird who has to emerge from its shell on its own, with no help, to gain the strength necessary for its survival.
As a parent it is difficult to see our children struggle. We can solve their problems efficiently and effectively, but if we do this, we rob our children of the opportunity to grow in that instance. Even offering them the solution keeps them from having to think of it themselves or work toward finding a solution and feeling that satisfaction. This is not to say that we cannot ask them questions that will help lead their thinking in another direction or mentor them in some way that still allows them to grow. How rewarding is it for us then, when they do succeed and we see them reveling in their accomplishment? So much better than the general thought of their innocent incompetence when we used to do it for them automatically.
I am grateful for the miracle of conception and for the opportunity to naturally birth 4 growing and struggling children.
11.13.2011
Shiny Muffin Tins
I don't know if it is possible to keep muffin tins as shiny and clean as they are when they come home from the store. I do know that I do not want to take muffins to an event in a dirty muffin tin. I bought new muffin tins, thinking that they would at least look nicer for a few batches than my old tins, and then I had the most brilliant thought!
I bake in my old tins, then I transfer the muffins to the new tin to transport and display them. Win-Win. Hooray for inspiration.
I bake in my old tins, then I transfer the muffins to the new tin to transport and display them. Win-Win. Hooray for inspiration.
7.02.2011
Four in One
We have the great opportunity to have my parents move in with us. This means that there are changes throughout the house to make room. First I moved all of the children into the larger bedroom. Here are two bunk beds, and along the wall on the right you can see three dressers lined up. 
There is tons of floor space so that the room doesn't look very crowded. The feedback so far is that they love it. At night usually, Caeli has to go to her room alone, and Cannon has to go to his alone because Kaden stays up with us until he konks out on the couch, then we put him to bed. We only allow this as an alternative to him jumping on Cannon's bed and keeping him up.
It looks very clean and pretty roomy. They each have their stuffed animals on their dressers so that their beds are clean and empty of things that fall on the floor or clutter the beds so that they are hard to make.
There is a chair by the book shelves so that I can sit and read to them at night, or sit and read to myself at night while they are struggling to go to sleep and not keep each other up. To the left are the dressers, to the right is the door. They love all being in the same room. Even Kaden was in his bed sound asleep by 830.
Their laundry basket is on top of their shoe cube. To the left is the door, to the right is the closet. They each get a row of shoes in the cube. First Sunday shoes, then casual shoes, then tennis shoes. Some of them have more than one of a kind, so they make them fit somehow, or the extra shoes get donated to someone less fortunate. Cai gets the whole inside of the closet for her shoes and hanging clothes. The shoe limit doesn't apply to her.
There is tons of floor space so that the room doesn't look very crowded. The feedback so far is that they love it. At night usually, Caeli has to go to her room alone, and Cannon has to go to his alone because Kaden stays up with us until he konks out on the couch, then we put him to bed. We only allow this as an alternative to him jumping on Cannon's bed and keeping him up.
It looks very clean and pretty roomy. They each have their stuffed animals on their dressers so that their beds are clean and empty of things that fall on the floor or clutter the beds so that they are hard to make.
There is a chair by the book shelves so that I can sit and read to them at night, or sit and read to myself at night while they are struggling to go to sleep and not keep each other up. To the left are the dressers, to the right is the door. They love all being in the same room. Even Kaden was in his bed sound asleep by 830.
Their laundry basket is on top of their shoe cube. To the left is the door, to the right is the closet. They each get a row of shoes in the cube. First Sunday shoes, then casual shoes, then tennis shoes. Some of them have more than one of a kind, so they make them fit somehow, or the extra shoes get donated to someone less fortunate. Cai gets the whole inside of the closet for her shoes and hanging clothes. The shoe limit doesn't apply to her.6.30.2011
Immediate Blessing
I decided to help with the fundraiser dinner and auction in my church that will help send teenage girls to camp for a week. I also decided that I would help with the food by saving up in my weekly budget to donate it, or submitting my receipts for reimbursement if we really couldn't afford it, because my budget was new and I wasn't sure. Overall, I decided on an amount that I was comfortable donating toward the whole event and committed to not exceeding that amount. After the amount I spent on the food, preparing it and bringing it hot, I was able to spend more on the silent auction and then I was also able to spend more at the dessert auction. It was all within the limit I set.
Well, some things came up unexpectedly, and I started to think about submitting those receipts after all, to try to recover some of my cushion money that I keep for unexpected expenses, and after going back and forth, I finally shredded the receipts and decided I'd already spent the money and I would live with the consequences, since it was for a good cause.
The very day that the check cleared the bank, I had someone call me to see if I could watch their child after school for two days, and another person called to see if I was available to watch their child all day on the third day. Within three days, I had recovered the cost of the food and more which I gratefully donated ten percent of as tithing the following Sunday. It is a true testimony that when we are generous with what God has given us, he will bless us again and we are forever in His debt.
Well, some things came up unexpectedly, and I started to think about submitting those receipts after all, to try to recover some of my cushion money that I keep for unexpected expenses, and after going back and forth, I finally shredded the receipts and decided I'd already spent the money and I would live with the consequences, since it was for a good cause.
The very day that the check cleared the bank, I had someone call me to see if I could watch their child after school for two days, and another person called to see if I was available to watch their child all day on the third day. Within three days, I had recovered the cost of the food and more which I gratefully donated ten percent of as tithing the following Sunday. It is a true testimony that when we are generous with what God has given us, he will bless us again and we are forever in His debt.
5.08.2011
How to Learn in the Temple of the Lord
The following is from a talk given by S. Michael Wilcox on April 28, 2000 called That All Their Outgoings from This House May Be in the Name of the Lord. I highly recommend that you read the entire article from the www.lds.org website. This is only an excerpt of a powerfully enriching talk that he gave at the BYU Women's Conference on that date.
"The Lord tells us that his house is a house of learning. He desires that our outgoings be filled with knowledge. Because we are taught through symbols in the temple, we may not understand and receive all the truth the Lord desires we obtain. We must learn how to learn through symbols. Let me suggest a formula for temple worship that will help you. Much of our ability to receive the power of the temple depends on what we do when we are oustide its walls. We find this formula in 3 Nephi 17.
"Jesus had spent the day teaching the Nephites and Lamanites. It had been a full day, and at its conclusion he said, "I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words which I am commanded of the Father to speak unto you at this time" (3 Nephi 17:2). Are your outgoings from the temple ever accompanied by that feeling? You just don't understand all you've experienced and been taught? The Savior understands our weakness and teaches us what to do. We are not to be discouraged, doubtful, or apathetic. We are to do five things: "Therefore, (1) go ye unto your homes, and (2) ponder upon the things which I have said, and (3) ask of the Father, in my name, that yea may understand, and (4) prepare your minds for the morrow, and (5) I come unto you again" (3 Nephi 17:3).
"Sisters, often we only do the first of the Savior's suggestions-we simply go home. Yet, if we desire that our next incoming to the temple be more powerful, we must ponder (which means to deeply reflect) upon our temple experience. We must show the Lord our desire to receive the full benefits of his teaching by sincerely asking him to help us understand.
"There are many ways to prepare our minds to receive the Lord's teaching, but I think the best of all is to go to the temple hungering after insight and knowledge. As a teacher I know how wonderful it is to teach a class of students who hunger for the truth. The temple uses "teacher" words to help us prepare our minds to learn. We must be alert, and attentive, and reverent. If these words reflect our attitude, we are prepared to receive. Last of all we must return, as frequently as our circumstances allow."
What a great talk. As I reflect on my past temple experiences, I guess I fall under the apathetic category, not hungering, or praying for understanding, just thinking about myself, wanting answers to other questions in my life. I have since committed to attend weekly, and and will work harder at pondering and asking and preparing and hungering to understand the mysteries of God and all that He desires to teach me.
"The Lord tells us that his house is a house of learning. He desires that our outgoings be filled with knowledge. Because we are taught through symbols in the temple, we may not understand and receive all the truth the Lord desires we obtain. We must learn how to learn through symbols. Let me suggest a formula for temple worship that will help you. Much of our ability to receive the power of the temple depends on what we do when we are oustide its walls. We find this formula in 3 Nephi 17.
"Jesus had spent the day teaching the Nephites and Lamanites. It had been a full day, and at its conclusion he said, "I perceive that ye are weak, that ye cannot understand all my words which I am commanded of the Father to speak unto you at this time" (3 Nephi 17:2). Are your outgoings from the temple ever accompanied by that feeling? You just don't understand all you've experienced and been taught? The Savior understands our weakness and teaches us what to do. We are not to be discouraged, doubtful, or apathetic. We are to do five things: "Therefore, (1) go ye unto your homes, and (2) ponder upon the things which I have said, and (3) ask of the Father, in my name, that yea may understand, and (4) prepare your minds for the morrow, and (5) I come unto you again" (3 Nephi 17:3).
"Sisters, often we only do the first of the Savior's suggestions-we simply go home. Yet, if we desire that our next incoming to the temple be more powerful, we must ponder (which means to deeply reflect) upon our temple experience. We must show the Lord our desire to receive the full benefits of his teaching by sincerely asking him to help us understand.
"There are many ways to prepare our minds to receive the Lord's teaching, but I think the best of all is to go to the temple hungering after insight and knowledge. As a teacher I know how wonderful it is to teach a class of students who hunger for the truth. The temple uses "teacher" words to help us prepare our minds to learn. We must be alert, and attentive, and reverent. If these words reflect our attitude, we are prepared to receive. Last of all we must return, as frequently as our circumstances allow."
What a great talk. As I reflect on my past temple experiences, I guess I fall under the apathetic category, not hungering, or praying for understanding, just thinking about myself, wanting answers to other questions in my life. I have since committed to attend weekly, and and will work harder at pondering and asking and preparing and hungering to understand the mysteries of God and all that He desires to teach me.
4.25.2011
Where Did I Park?
I have had many cars in my life, and I don't always remember which one I just recently drove to get where I am at any given moment. Sometimes I'm even in a borrowed car. I got tired of wandering around parking lots, trying to remember which car I drove, and where I parked it.
The Solution:
I always park in the lane right outside the front door of the store. Sure, a lot of people park there, and so if I have to park a little farther down the lane, that is good exercise for me, right? Many times there is an open spot within 10 stalls from the door. Sometimes I put all my kids in the cart and run as fast as I can and jump on and we all take a ride, and soon enough we've found our car. That makes it fun, and when I recognize our car, the journey is through.
The only times this doesn't work is at sporting events or airports where the nearest spots always fill up first, and you may have no idea what row you are in, so in those cases it is best to let the crowd leave before you and have them find their cars first, then yours in much easier to find.
This also works for "where is the end of the tape?" If you are conscious about how you set down the roll of masking or painter's tape, you will know that the end is right where you put it, and you don't really have to turn it several times to see where it opens.
The Solution:
I always park in the lane right outside the front door of the store. Sure, a lot of people park there, and so if I have to park a little farther down the lane, that is good exercise for me, right? Many times there is an open spot within 10 stalls from the door. Sometimes I put all my kids in the cart and run as fast as I can and jump on and we all take a ride, and soon enough we've found our car. That makes it fun, and when I recognize our car, the journey is through.
The only times this doesn't work is at sporting events or airports where the nearest spots always fill up first, and you may have no idea what row you are in, so in those cases it is best to let the crowd leave before you and have them find their cars first, then yours in much easier to find.
This also works for "where is the end of the tape?" If you are conscious about how you set down the roll of masking or painter's tape, you will know that the end is right where you put it, and you don't really have to turn it several times to see where it opens.
The Easter Bunny Illusion
My kids go shopping with me for stuff to put in their Easter baskets, and I ask them which candy they want within the price range I'm willing to spend, and they are so excited for a whole week asking every day, is today Easter? Is the Easter bunny coming today? Can we eat our Easter bunnies today? The funny thing is that they saw me buy the candy! While they are sleeping, I set the candy out in their different baskets. They saw me buy stuff for Todd, and when they wake Sunday morning, they are so excited that the Easter bunny came. They say, look dad what the Easter bunny brought you! He is the only one that is really surprised because he misses most of the shopping excursions around here.
It is the same process for Christmas. They see me buy things to go in their stockings. They know that Santa puts it in their stockings while they are sleeping. They have something to tell everyone who asks what did Santa bring them. So, why keep up the image? I think that they appreciate it. I'm not being obvious about pointing out the contradiction, I'm just going along with what they say, and doing what I do right in front of them. I'm not telling them that those things don't exist, because I believe in the magic of the moment. Mostly I let them be with me in the store because I hate guessing what someone wants, only to have them not really want it, and then I wasted that money and they are unhappy because they really wanted the other one. This way, everyone gets exactly what they wanted, they know that they will be getting what they want, and we are all happy.
It is the same process for Christmas. They see me buy things to go in their stockings. They know that Santa puts it in their stockings while they are sleeping. They have something to tell everyone who asks what did Santa bring them. So, why keep up the image? I think that they appreciate it. I'm not being obvious about pointing out the contradiction, I'm just going along with what they say, and doing what I do right in front of them. I'm not telling them that those things don't exist, because I believe in the magic of the moment. Mostly I let them be with me in the store because I hate guessing what someone wants, only to have them not really want it, and then I wasted that money and they are unhappy because they really wanted the other one. This way, everyone gets exactly what they wanted, they know that they will be getting what they want, and we are all happy.
4.21.2011
The Envelope Method
I have a pretty basic budget. I use a spreadsheet to list my monthly bills along with the due date and estimated amount. When the actual bill comes, I update my budget, pay it, and mark the date it cleared my account. At the top, I have our income, then a formula that subtracts each bill and gives me an ending balance. I carry that balance to the new month and continue on into the future, adjusting as needed to see exactly how long it will be until we are able to save up a few paychecks in case of emergency.
It is fun to see when the car loan will be paid off, and when the cell phone contract will be up and we can lower our bill by $20 each month if we don't opt for the "free phone upgrade" which is really code for "pay another $20/mo for two years". I have my annual expenses listed in the month that they appear so that I can make sure that I have enough in the account to cover those when they come. Property tax and car insurance are both twice in a year, and large enough to drown us if we forget to set aside money to cover them in those two months. I just wish that they could be a monthly debit from my account, but the property tax can only be once or twice a year, and the car insurance charges interest if we try to make a monthly payment for "financing" us.
Most of my budget is made up of fixed expenses like trash pick up, and then I have expected expenses but the amount varies each instance like electricity. We use credit cards and pay them off each month to improve our credit rating. It started out as a great way to get cash back on every purchase by putting them on the credit card, but the cash back is only 1% and the amount I overspend just to get more cash back was slowly bankrupting us as we paid them off each month. So after a hard look at the budget, I have decided to put the cell phone bill on one card, the water and garbage bill on another card, and then use the third card for gasoline and medical charges. All other regular bills are deducted directly from our checking account. For food and other discretionary spending, I have committed to using cash, unless I discuss the expense with my husband first because that means that it will be coming out of the money that we are using to pay off our debts, and then trying to put away into savings.
Using cash is scary because suddenly I am very afraid of not having enough money at the cash register. Today was my first cash purchase. I was going to stock up on a few items, and realized that I might not have enough money in my pocket to stock up, if I wanted to make it all the way through the week without running out of money. So I bought one of what I needed and one extra and left the store with change. Later in the day, I had to run to a different store to pick up some things for dinner because we were having company and needed potatoes and salad to go with our turkey. Again, I bought only what I needed, and left with change in my pocket. I didn't realize how addicted I am to impulse shopping. A few extra things here and there really add up on my credit card statement but they are hard to pinpoint because they are hidden in my food receipts.
I am not very good at managing cash, and want to be able to set aside some cash for different things like clothes shopping, pets, date night. I went to the dollar store to purchase some snack sized ziplock baggies. I was looking for the kind with the zipper, but they only had those in the sandwich size at this store, so I got the kind you see here. Then I took some plain index cards and wrote category names on them and put them each in their own baggie. I also took the store cards that relate to each category and put them in the appropriate baggie.
My clothes envelope says to set aside $5 each week to go toward clothes, shoes, underwear, etc. I have a Goodwill frequent shopper's card that gets punched each purchase, and if there is a $10 off coupon in the mail, it goes in there too. I always shop on the half price days. School shopping is coming up in the fall, and I will need to buy new sneakers and Sears jeans that guarantee no knee holes before the kid outgrows the pants, so I really have to start saving up for those. I generally consider clothing to be disposable because I am not very good at getting stains out, but I always buy new shoes and underwear.
My movie envelope says to set aside $3 each week, and I can have this cash added to my movie gift card to safe guard it from getting commandeered into another fund. I love movies and even when there isn't anything good out, I reserve the right to set aside money for the next time in case several good movies come out in the same week. (We have a discount theatre where admission is only $3.)
My food envelope has the shopping cards that relate to the stores I buy food at along with the cash that has not been set aside for the other categories. If I want to buy snack size baggies, it comes from this general fund, reminding me that I am spending money that is also to go toward food. This is very helpful when prioritizing whether I "need" something or not if it means I might have to sacrifice food to get it. In my food envelope I also keep coupons.
I know a lot of people who live on a lot less money than I do, and I have discovered that most everyone I know spends most everything they earn, no matter the amount, people seem to all live paycheck to paycheck, and it is such a rat race. They all think that earning more is the answer, but I have discovered that it is living on less that is the answer. To put this knowledge into practice, I am switching to cash and limiting myself to a fixed amount every Monday. My goal for the week is to make it until the next Monday with money left over. If I can do this, I WIN! and beat the rat race every week that I am successful because the amount I take out is not the rest of my paycheck, it is what I need to live on and that leaves a significant amount left over to pay off debts or transfer into savings.
The experts say that everyone should have 3 months of expenses in savings in case of job loss or disability to get through the transitional time until unemployment, financial aid, or the insurance kicks in. In this economy though, the experts have extended this cushion to 6 months, and even recommend a year, because you could be out of a job for a year once you find yourself unemployed. By living without a few luxuries like a gardener or dishwasher or a home phone, or the data package on my cell phone, I am saving real money each month to pay off my debts and then put into certificates of deposit.
CDs are federally insured and have a guaranteed rate of return, much higher than my interest paying savings account. If I open a 12-month CD every month, then after 12 months have gone by, I will have 12 CDs, and every month from then on, I can add to each one, thus increasing my security and keeping up with inflation by rolling the interest earned back in. The CDs are not immediately available, but I can have a check within 10 days if I have to close one and withdraw the money, and I only forfeit the interest I haven't earned. Any amount earned on a CD is negated if you are paying interest on anything, so pay off debts first, then start building your savings.
Update: I had almost half of my weekly allowance left over from last week, so I created a few more envelopes for things that I have to save up for. For example, the most economical way to purchase cat food is by the case because my pet store gives me a 5% discount on it. So a case of food and two bags of litter is almost one third of my weekly allowance and that warrants a special envelope to set aside one fourth every week because a case lasts a month. Another item that deserves to be saved up for is printer ink. This item is almost three-fourths of my weekly budget, but I'm not sure how long it lasts. Next time I install one into my printer, I will write the date installed on it so that I can budget it out.
I can also leave envelopes home if I'm not planning to use them while out on my various excursions. I have a smaller purse that fits my phone and keys, lipstick and envelopes so that is better than carrying around all of my cash everywhere I go.
It is fun to see when the car loan will be paid off, and when the cell phone contract will be up and we can lower our bill by $20 each month if we don't opt for the "free phone upgrade" which is really code for "pay another $20/mo for two years". I have my annual expenses listed in the month that they appear so that I can make sure that I have enough in the account to cover those when they come. Property tax and car insurance are both twice in a year, and large enough to drown us if we forget to set aside money to cover them in those two months. I just wish that they could be a monthly debit from my account, but the property tax can only be once or twice a year, and the car insurance charges interest if we try to make a monthly payment for "financing" us.
Most of my budget is made up of fixed expenses like trash pick up, and then I have expected expenses but the amount varies each instance like electricity. We use credit cards and pay them off each month to improve our credit rating. It started out as a great way to get cash back on every purchase by putting them on the credit card, but the cash back is only 1% and the amount I overspend just to get more cash back was slowly bankrupting us as we paid them off each month. So after a hard look at the budget, I have decided to put the cell phone bill on one card, the water and garbage bill on another card, and then use the third card for gasoline and medical charges. All other regular bills are deducted directly from our checking account. For food and other discretionary spending, I have committed to using cash, unless I discuss the expense with my husband first because that means that it will be coming out of the money that we are using to pay off our debts, and then trying to put away into savings.
Using cash is scary because suddenly I am very afraid of not having enough money at the cash register. Today was my first cash purchase. I was going to stock up on a few items, and realized that I might not have enough money in my pocket to stock up, if I wanted to make it all the way through the week without running out of money. So I bought one of what I needed and one extra and left the store with change. Later in the day, I had to run to a different store to pick up some things for dinner because we were having company and needed potatoes and salad to go with our turkey. Again, I bought only what I needed, and left with change in my pocket. I didn't realize how addicted I am to impulse shopping. A few extra things here and there really add up on my credit card statement but they are hard to pinpoint because they are hidden in my food receipts.
I am not very good at managing cash, and want to be able to set aside some cash for different things like clothes shopping, pets, date night. I went to the dollar store to purchase some snack sized ziplock baggies. I was looking for the kind with the zipper, but they only had those in the sandwich size at this store, so I got the kind you see here. Then I took some plain index cards and wrote category names on them and put them each in their own baggie. I also took the store cards that relate to each category and put them in the appropriate baggie.
My clothes envelope says to set aside $5 each week to go toward clothes, shoes, underwear, etc. I have a Goodwill frequent shopper's card that gets punched each purchase, and if there is a $10 off coupon in the mail, it goes in there too. I always shop on the half price days. School shopping is coming up in the fall, and I will need to buy new sneakers and Sears jeans that guarantee no knee holes before the kid outgrows the pants, so I really have to start saving up for those. I generally consider clothing to be disposable because I am not very good at getting stains out, but I always buy new shoes and underwear.
My movie envelope says to set aside $3 each week, and I can have this cash added to my movie gift card to safe guard it from getting commandeered into another fund. I love movies and even when there isn't anything good out, I reserve the right to set aside money for the next time in case several good movies come out in the same week. (We have a discount theatre where admission is only $3.)
My food envelope has the shopping cards that relate to the stores I buy food at along with the cash that has not been set aside for the other categories. If I want to buy snack size baggies, it comes from this general fund, reminding me that I am spending money that is also to go toward food. This is very helpful when prioritizing whether I "need" something or not if it means I might have to sacrifice food to get it. In my food envelope I also keep coupons.
I know a lot of people who live on a lot less money than I do, and I have discovered that most everyone I know spends most everything they earn, no matter the amount, people seem to all live paycheck to paycheck, and it is such a rat race. They all think that earning more is the answer, but I have discovered that it is living on less that is the answer. To put this knowledge into practice, I am switching to cash and limiting myself to a fixed amount every Monday. My goal for the week is to make it until the next Monday with money left over. If I can do this, I WIN! and beat the rat race every week that I am successful because the amount I take out is not the rest of my paycheck, it is what I need to live on and that leaves a significant amount left over to pay off debts or transfer into savings.
The experts say that everyone should have 3 months of expenses in savings in case of job loss or disability to get through the transitional time until unemployment, financial aid, or the insurance kicks in. In this economy though, the experts have extended this cushion to 6 months, and even recommend a year, because you could be out of a job for a year once you find yourself unemployed. By living without a few luxuries like a gardener or dishwasher or a home phone, or the data package on my cell phone, I am saving real money each month to pay off my debts and then put into certificates of deposit.
CDs are federally insured and have a guaranteed rate of return, much higher than my interest paying savings account. If I open a 12-month CD every month, then after 12 months have gone by, I will have 12 CDs, and every month from then on, I can add to each one, thus increasing my security and keeping up with inflation by rolling the interest earned back in. The CDs are not immediately available, but I can have a check within 10 days if I have to close one and withdraw the money, and I only forfeit the interest I haven't earned. Any amount earned on a CD is negated if you are paying interest on anything, so pay off debts first, then start building your savings.
Update: I had almost half of my weekly allowance left over from last week, so I created a few more envelopes for things that I have to save up for. For example, the most economical way to purchase cat food is by the case because my pet store gives me a 5% discount on it. So a case of food and two bags of litter is almost one third of my weekly allowance and that warrants a special envelope to set aside one fourth every week because a case lasts a month. Another item that deserves to be saved up for is printer ink. This item is almost three-fourths of my weekly budget, but I'm not sure how long it lasts. Next time I install one into my printer, I will write the date installed on it so that I can budget it out.
I can also leave envelopes home if I'm not planning to use them while out on my various excursions. I have a smaller purse that fits my phone and keys, lipstick and envelopes so that is better than carrying around all of my cash everywhere I go.
4.05.2011
Dermatologist Endorsed Skin Care
Female Dermatologists with the best skin share their own skin care regimens, according to More.com.
1. Use a cleanser with horsepower: Most lather up with formulas filled with glycolic or lactic acid to accelerate exfoliation, and salicylic acid to unclog pores and make them appear smaller. Use morning and evening.
2. Fight free radicals on the inside and outside: Free radicals from air pollution and sunshine and are the primary cause of fine lines and uneven tone. Minimize future wrinkles and blotchiness with antioxidants. Apply a serum or cream that contains a free-radical fighter such as vitamin C, phloretin, idebenone, green tea, or coffeeberry every morning, after cleansing and before putting on sunscreen. Eat yogurt smoothies with antioxidant rich fruit like blueberries or acai.
3. Protection is a priority: Applying sunscreen is as important as brushing your teeth. UV exposure is the chief cause of premature wrinkles and discoloration. Foundation can be purchased that contains a second layer of sunscreen protection.
4. Use Retin-A: Dead skin cells clog pores and give skin an ashy appearance. After exfoliating in the evening, slather on a retinoid cream (a topical form of vitamin A found in prescriptions as Retin-A and Renova or over the counter as retinol) which has been shown to speed up the rate at which the body sheds dead skin. Vitamin A also stimulates collagen production which makes the skin look plumper and fine lines smoother, and normalizes cells exposed to UV rays undoing sun damage. Prescription strengths should be used less often if skin becomes irritated such as a 15 minute mask once a week.
5. Plump it up: Use hyaluronic acid fillers to plump up crevices such as crow's feet, nasolabial folds, forehead lines. Botox or Dysport injections can also be used three or four times a year, considered moderate useage.
6. Maintain skin bounce: Over the retinoids apply a topical containing peptides or a growth factor. Most peptide and growth factor creams are hydrating, so you won't need an additional moisturizer. Body temperatures rise while sleeping, and the heat helps products penetrate skin better.
7. Sleep on your back: Sleeping on your face etches wrinkles into your skin, and fluid pools on the side of the face that is pressed against the pillow, stretching out the skin. Use a pillow that cradles your head and neck so that it is easier to lie on your back.
8. Exercise for better skin: Working out improves circulation and reduces stress, benefits that help appearance. Keep worries off your face. Stress hormone epinephrine causes constriction of blood flow and makes your skin lose its glow. Stop high impact workouts once you turn 40. Over time, it causes tiny tears in the microscopic attachments in the skin which will lead to sagging.
1. Use a cleanser with horsepower: Most lather up with formulas filled with glycolic or lactic acid to accelerate exfoliation, and salicylic acid to unclog pores and make them appear smaller. Use morning and evening.
2. Fight free radicals on the inside and outside: Free radicals from air pollution and sunshine and are the primary cause of fine lines and uneven tone. Minimize future wrinkles and blotchiness with antioxidants. Apply a serum or cream that contains a free-radical fighter such as vitamin C, phloretin, idebenone, green tea, or coffeeberry every morning, after cleansing and before putting on sunscreen. Eat yogurt smoothies with antioxidant rich fruit like blueberries or acai.
3. Protection is a priority: Applying sunscreen is as important as brushing your teeth. UV exposure is the chief cause of premature wrinkles and discoloration. Foundation can be purchased that contains a second layer of sunscreen protection.
4. Use Retin-A: Dead skin cells clog pores and give skin an ashy appearance. After exfoliating in the evening, slather on a retinoid cream (a topical form of vitamin A found in prescriptions as Retin-A and Renova or over the counter as retinol) which has been shown to speed up the rate at which the body sheds dead skin. Vitamin A also stimulates collagen production which makes the skin look plumper and fine lines smoother, and normalizes cells exposed to UV rays undoing sun damage. Prescription strengths should be used less often if skin becomes irritated such as a 15 minute mask once a week.
5. Plump it up: Use hyaluronic acid fillers to plump up crevices such as crow's feet, nasolabial folds, forehead lines. Botox or Dysport injections can also be used three or four times a year, considered moderate useage.
6. Maintain skin bounce: Over the retinoids apply a topical containing peptides or a growth factor. Most peptide and growth factor creams are hydrating, so you won't need an additional moisturizer. Body temperatures rise while sleeping, and the heat helps products penetrate skin better.
7. Sleep on your back: Sleeping on your face etches wrinkles into your skin, and fluid pools on the side of the face that is pressed against the pillow, stretching out the skin. Use a pillow that cradles your head and neck so that it is easier to lie on your back.
8. Exercise for better skin: Working out improves circulation and reduces stress, benefits that help appearance. Keep worries off your face. Stress hormone epinephrine causes constriction of blood flow and makes your skin lose its glow. Stop high impact workouts once you turn 40. Over time, it causes tiny tears in the microscopic attachments in the skin which will lead to sagging.
3.31.2011
My Birthday Boy
I can't believe it's time for another birthday. Seems like I just posted all of the pictures from each year of him having birthdays already. Here is his current photo. He is very nearly 4 feet tall. Woops, that pic has all of his front teeth. Let me find a more current one...
3.30.2011
The Importance of Stretching
I have had problems with my feet and jaw. My podiatrist suggested that I buy custom orthopedics and the expensive shoes that they fit in. I did. Then I talked to my chiropractor who said that people with that kind of foot pain always have calf muscles that are super tight. I did. He suggested that I spend some quality time stretching out my calf muscles. Later on my own, I realized that the stretch really needed to stretch up my hamstring and into my glutes. My jaw has given me trouble since I had 8 teeth pulled and braces as a teen. All of the dentists ask about and verify that I have trouble with my TemporalMandibularJoint, but none of them have any suggestions other than not doing things that aggravate it like chewing gum. Then I went to my holistic doctor and he had me open my mouth while he pressed really hard on a muscle or tendon right that opens and closes my jaw and it hurt! To avoid it next time, I stretched my mouth open as wide as I could and really tried to stretch everything holding my jaw to my head. It worked. I no longer have jaw joint pain. I can chew gum. I can stretch it out. What a difference to not feel like a gimp.
3.14.2011
More Teeth Lost
Within a week Cannon lost all 3 loose front teeth. I was afraid that he might lose two on the same day, on a Sunday specifically, because then the Toothfairy would have come up short. Typically, our children get a golden dollar for each lost tooth, then we get them to give it back to us "for safe keeping" before they lose it, and usually after they have had a day or two to play with and admire it, and I catch them leaving it places where it could get lost. Of course, we have only one golden dollar, so we keep using the same one over and over, so we had never planned on a kid losing two teeth in one day, and so far so good.
He lost one tooth on Thursday, the smaller one on the right in this picture. Then Saturday he was playing as boys do and his cousin bumped Cannon's mouth with his elbow. Cannon reached up and pulled his tooth out. Then I told him that the tooth in the middle isn't going to last long without its friends to protect it, and each day it would become looser until today when he could blow it around, and it was hanging by a thread.
Cai bribed him with some Doritos if he would let her tie a string around it and tie the other end to the doorknob and he said yes. She got the string around his tooth, and then tied it to the doorknob, and just as she was going to slam the door shut, he turned his head and it was enough to pull the tooth out. She was frustrated that she didn't get to carry out her master plan, but we were all happy that the third tooth was finally out. You can already see where the new tooth is coming in.
3.10.2011
The Tortoise and The Hare
I was the kind of idealist person that swore that I would always get my kids the best shoes for support for their feet, no matter the expense. Now, 4 kids later, I watch fondly as my 3yo son runs ahead with his shoes at least 2 sizes too big. You have to understand that he will not wear any other shoes. These shoes came from his cousin whom he adores. They also have Lightening McQueen on them, who he also loves. They also light up. Enough said. At least he's wearing shoes, right? If they don't like their shoes, they come off all the time, and I really hate having to put shoes on over again. He can put these on all by himself, and he wants to, and that is the point.
So today is a lovely day. We decided to walk to school. The morning chill is only chilly in the shade. We didn't need jackets. We are still wearing pants because the shorts season isn't until spring break. Still, it was comfortable and I pushed Kaden in the stroller all the way there. On the way back, he said, "Stop the stroller, I need to run!" So I stopped pushing him, he got out and started running ahead. After 50 feet, he stops, out of breath, and pants until I get within 10 feet and he turns and takes off running the next 50 feet. After 1/4 mile of this, I ponder the story of The Tortoise and The Hare. This must have been written about a 3yo. At this age, there is not the endurance or stamina of someone better trained, they simply feel the need to run, and so they do. Then they get winded, and so they stop. I, unfortunately, was the tortoise. I was walking a brisk pace, but I wasn't about to try to run to keep up with him, because I know that he is just about to stop anyway, so I will catch up soon enough. I could run and catch him if needed, but he is just getting his exercise in, so off he goes.
I was watching his form when he runs, and was impressed with how good it is. His stride is long, and he moves fast. He knows I can catch him if I want. The rest of his life, when he has bolted away from me, I was very quick to catch him and stop the chase so that it wasn't ever much of a game. Even if he got a head start, I did have the endurance to catch him soon enough. I am so proud of him and look forward to watching him as he continues to grow and develop. I will encourage and comfort, and even buy him some new shoes once in a while.
2.24.2011
The Personal Hand and the Public Hand
I have a trick that I learned that helps me minimize the types of germs that get spread. I have two hands, and they are designated different duties.
My right hand is offered as a handshake. It is also the one that I use to open doors, or touch things that other people have touched.
My left hand is mine, kept to myself, and used if I have an itch on my nose or an eyelash in my eye. I use my left hand to catch a cough or a sneeze if my elbow or a tissue cannot.
This helps me not contaminate others with my germs, and more importantly, it keeps other peoples germs off of my person, unless of course they sneeze or cough directly on me.
I do wash my hands before eating, after toileting, before cooking, and when I arrive home from a public place like grocery shopping that uses both hands. This is just an additional precaution.
My right hand is offered as a handshake. It is also the one that I use to open doors, or touch things that other people have touched.
My left hand is mine, kept to myself, and used if I have an itch on my nose or an eyelash in my eye. I use my left hand to catch a cough or a sneeze if my elbow or a tissue cannot.
This helps me not contaminate others with my germs, and more importantly, it keeps other peoples germs off of my person, unless of course they sneeze or cough directly on me.
I do wash my hands before eating, after toileting, before cooking, and when I arrive home from a public place like grocery shopping that uses both hands. This is just an additional precaution.
12.09.2010
Helping Others Change
This article is amazing because it identifies that we cannot make anyone do anything, they have to do it for themselves. So it explains that to get out of their way, we have to stop trying to control them, and work on finding our own limits, and setting boundaries, and using our words in a helpful way. Enjoy!
http://now.eloqua.com/es.asp?s=567&e=109406&elq=c623c2f1059e4cd0aac681a8a3186736
"If you want to increase your influence, give up any desire to control your their behavior. In fact, the first question you should ask yourself is, "How can I prepare myself for this behavior to continue forever?" You need to get to the point that you decide how you will control your own choices without centering your life on their choices. If, in the extreme case, you would prefer to live without them rather than with their problem, you need to be clear on that. If you can cope with the problem and would prefer to continue the relationship, lovingly, maturely, and respectfully set boundaries to make it work. Don't "use" these boundaries as a way to manipulate them.
"Help them motivate themselves. The most common question we're asked by those trying to influence a loved one is, "How can I help them want to change?" When it comes to personal change, the answer is, you can't. However, you can influence their personal motivation in two ways:
"Stop standing between them and consequences. Direct experience is life's great teacher, but we often undermine people's motivation to change by standing between them and the natural consequences they would otherwise feel. For example, a drug addict who is financially supported by those who want him to change is protected from the financial misery that might help him connect his choices with consequences he doesn't like. The first thing you and your family can do is examine the ways in which you enable their actions by not letting them experience the natural consequences of this behavior. If you are doing this, find a healthy way to change. If the change will be jarring to them, be sure to have a crucial conversation to help them understand what you will change and why."
"Help them find their own reasons to change. With most bad habits, people have moments of clarity. Moments when we feel a desire to change. Skillful influencers can help others extend the potency of these moments by reacting with a motivational interview rather than a motivational speech. A motivational interview is a simple, structured way to help others explore and crystallize their own reasons to change and plan for doing so rather than taking control and forcing our own agenda on them. How you react during small moments of motivation can either help others capitalize on them or overpower them with your own well-intended but overwhelming motivations."
I also highly recommend the book "I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better" by Gary and Joy Lundberg. It goes into great detail about a variety of unhealthy relationships and how to best set your own boundaries and stick to them.
http://now.eloqua.com/es.asp?s=567&e=109406&elq=c623c2f1059e4cd0aac681a8a3186736
"If you want to increase your influence, give up any desire to control your their behavior. In fact, the first question you should ask yourself is, "How can I prepare myself for this behavior to continue forever?" You need to get to the point that you decide how you will control your own choices without centering your life on their choices. If, in the extreme case, you would prefer to live without them rather than with their problem, you need to be clear on that. If you can cope with the problem and would prefer to continue the relationship, lovingly, maturely, and respectfully set boundaries to make it work. Don't "use" these boundaries as a way to manipulate them.
"Help them motivate themselves. The most common question we're asked by those trying to influence a loved one is, "How can I help them want to change?" When it comes to personal change, the answer is, you can't. However, you can influence their personal motivation in two ways:
"Stop standing between them and consequences. Direct experience is life's great teacher, but we often undermine people's motivation to change by standing between them and the natural consequences they would otherwise feel. For example, a drug addict who is financially supported by those who want him to change is protected from the financial misery that might help him connect his choices with consequences he doesn't like. The first thing you and your family can do is examine the ways in which you enable their actions by not letting them experience the natural consequences of this behavior. If you are doing this, find a healthy way to change. If the change will be jarring to them, be sure to have a crucial conversation to help them understand what you will change and why."
"Help them find their own reasons to change. With most bad habits, people have moments of clarity. Moments when we feel a desire to change. Skillful influencers can help others extend the potency of these moments by reacting with a motivational interview rather than a motivational speech. A motivational interview is a simple, structured way to help others explore and crystallize their own reasons to change and plan for doing so rather than taking control and forcing our own agenda on them. How you react during small moments of motivation can either help others capitalize on them or overpower them with your own well-intended but overwhelming motivations."
I also highly recommend the book "I Don't Have To Make Everything All Better" by Gary and Joy Lundberg. It goes into great detail about a variety of unhealthy relationships and how to best set your own boundaries and stick to them.
11.24.2010
Picture Day 2010
I like to take protraits of my kids myself, because I like to try to capture their best in the picture. I attempt this once a year, when school starts, so that I have enough time to see the growth each year. Here is one kid...
You see, he really likes to have his picture taken, so eventually he will smile for the camera. My other son learned from his cousins that taking pictures is more fun if you make impossible faces, plus he really likes to be silly, so it is super hard to get a good portrait of him. My favorite is last, and it's off center. Sigh.
9.10.2010
2010 First Day of School
The first day of school year 2010-2011. They were so excited to wear their school clothes, and make their lunches, and carry their backpacks. Even Kaden had a backpack, even tho he doesn't yet need it. And I made Cannon a lunch on accident because he gets out of Kinder before lunchtime. His teacher asked him to keep it in his backpack, and he ate it when he got home.
Kindergarden will be great for Cannon. He practiced all last year in preschool for the routines and tasks that he will be expected to perform and participate in. It is okay if he doesn't since he is cautious, but the more he does, the more he will learn because we learn by doing. He loves his class and his teacher said that he was doing really well already.
I was able to go into her classroom before school with her and find her desk, meet her teacher, and get settled before the school bell rang. She sits back to back with a friend from last year, so that helped her feel more comfortable in her new surrounding.
Kindergarden will be great for Cannon. He practiced all last year in preschool for the routines and tasks that he will be expected to perform and participate in. It is okay if he doesn't since he is cautious, but the more he does, the more he will learn because we learn by doing. He loves his class and his teacher said that he was doing really well already.
I was able to go into her classroom before school with her and find her desk, meet her teacher, and get settled before the school bell rang. She sits back to back with a friend from last year, so that helped her feel more comfortable in her new surrounding.
Cutest Cowboy Ever
Is he not the cutest cowboy ever? Can you imagine him in 20 years on a horse tipping his hat to the ladies? They will swoon as I do now.
Playing at Indians
The boys were playing Indians so Caeli was kind enough to make headbands with feathers for them. She spent a long time coloring and then cutting and taping them. Cannon put his on his dog. I didn't really understand the game, and they were really playing together for quite a long time. They both had headdresses and six shooters and dogs. 
Birthday Boy!
At 3 years old he is now too old for the class he has been attending since he was 18 months.
Episode Angst Cured by Netflix
I have a hard time going from week to week to see what happens next in a series. This is true both in books and television. I'm sure it is designed that way so that the viewer/reader is sure to catch the next episode when it is available. I, however, do not like to be baited. I would much rather know that it is a good show/book, and then wait until the whole series is complete, and then view/read the entire series at one time. Sure it is time consuming, but it couldn't be more time consuming than all of those times I spend trying to remember what happened last, thinking about what will happen next, and wondering if there is a new episode ready to be devoured. I like to immerse myself in what I am doing, and it sure is easier to keep plot lines straight when only watching one show at a time.
Netflix is great for this because you can get entire seasons all at once. Hulu is not so great because they tend to only have 5 or 6 episodes at a time, which is great if you need to catch up after missing it for a few weeks, but not great if you just found a great show and want to see all of the episodes in order.
Netflix is also great for watching shows you don't want to own, but do want to see at least once.
Netflix is great for this because you can get entire seasons all at once. Hulu is not so great because they tend to only have 5 or 6 episodes at a time, which is great if you need to catch up after missing it for a few weeks, but not great if you just found a great show and want to see all of the episodes in order.
Netflix is also great for watching shows you don't want to own, but do want to see at least once.
8.27.2010
Cannon's First Lost Tooth
We were having some eggs. Cannon wanted bread with his, and he was making an egg sandwich, folding the bread like a taco around the egg and biting into it with his loose tooth. His tooth wasn't very loose. Not like some you see hanging from a thread. He could wiggle it, and it did hang out at an odd angle here and there, but I figured it was weeks from falling out.
And not to be left out, Kaden wants the same attention and is sure that he has loose teeth, and even that one fell out while he was eating eggs, too.
Easy Exercise Trick
I bought my little boy some new shoes. These ones light up. His new favorite thing to do for hours while everyone is at school is run up and down my darkened hallway. If my carpet can stand it, he is getting a lot of exercise.
8.10.2010
Readers Den Award
In elementary school there are many goals for the students, and those who achieve these goals are rewarded. Caeli accomplished the requirements for Readers Den in first grade which includes reading 50 books and completing 8 book projects in the second half of the school year. She received an award and got to attend a fun assembly with a terrific entertainer and enjoy an ice cream sunday afterwards.She also learned all of her math facts and could pass off the 60 problem timed addition and subtraction tests, as well as learning 14 lists of sight words. She has become quite the reader, though she wishes she knew how to read more words as her appetite for reading is voracious.
Speech Graduate
Cannon graduated from speech class. This is his last day after 2 years of speech lessons from the local elementary school. His articulation is fantastic. They say that prosody will come with time. We hope that having two years working on speech and language twice a week will give him a boost in the elementary education he is about to embark on in kindergarden this fall. I am so proud of him.The Ball Pool
Kaden loves to be buried in the little pool filled with these balls. He says, "bury me, mom" and so I do and he giggles the whole time, then pops up to surprise me.The Weston A. Price Foundation
https://www.westonaprice.org/about.html
About the Foundation
Read this article in: Danish French German Italian Japanese Polish Russian Spanish Swedish
The Weston A. Price Foundation is a nonprofit, tax-exempt charity founded in 1999 to disseminate the research of nutrition pioneer Dr. Weston Price, whose studies of isolated nonindustrialized peoples established the parameters of human health and determined the optimum characteristics of human diets. Dr. Price's research demonstrated that humans achieve perfect physical form and perfect health generation after generation only when they consume nutrient-dense whole foods and the vital fat-soluble activators found exclusively in animal fats.
The Foundation is dedicated to restoring nutrient-dense foods to the human diet through education, research and activism. It supports a number of movements that contribute to this objective including accurate nutrition instruction, organic and biodynamic farming, pasture-feeding of livestock, community-supported farms, honest and informative labeling, prepared parenting and nurturing therapies. Specific goals include establishment of universal access to clean, certified raw milk and a ban on the use of soy formula for infants.
The Foundation seeks to establish a laboratory to test nutrient content of foods, particularly butter produced under various conditions; to conduct research into the "X Factor," discovered by Dr. Price; and to determine the effects of traditional preparation methods on nutrient content and availability in whole foods.
The board and membership of the Weston A. Price Foundation stand united in the belief that modern technology should be harnessed as a servant to the wise and nurturing traditions of our ancestors rather than used as a force destructive to the environment and human health; and that science and knowledge can validate those traditions.
The Foundation's quarterly journal, Wise Traditions in Food, Farming, and the Healing Arts, is dedicated to exploring the scientific validation of dietary, agricultural and medical traditions throughout the world. It features illuminating and thought-provoking articles on current scientific research; human diets; non-toxic agriculture; and holistic therapies. The journal also serves as a reference for sources of foods that have been conscientiously grown and processed.
About the Foundation
Read this article in: Danish French German Italian Japanese Polish Russian Spanish Swedish
The Weston A. Price Foundation is a nonprofit, tax-exempt charity founded in 1999 to disseminate the research of nutrition pioneer Dr. Weston Price, whose studies of isolated nonindustrialized peoples established the parameters of human health and determined the optimum characteristics of human diets. Dr. Price's research demonstrated that humans achieve perfect physical form and perfect health generation after generation only when they consume nutrient-dense whole foods and the vital fat-soluble activators found exclusively in animal fats.
The Foundation is dedicated to restoring nutrient-dense foods to the human diet through education, research and activism. It supports a number of movements that contribute to this objective including accurate nutrition instruction, organic and biodynamic farming, pasture-feeding of livestock, community-supported farms, honest and informative labeling, prepared parenting and nurturing therapies. Specific goals include establishment of universal access to clean, certified raw milk and a ban on the use of soy formula for infants.
The Foundation seeks to establish a laboratory to test nutrient content of foods, particularly butter produced under various conditions; to conduct research into the "X Factor," discovered by Dr. Price; and to determine the effects of traditional preparation methods on nutrient content and availability in whole foods.
The board and membership of the Weston A. Price Foundation stand united in the belief that modern technology should be harnessed as a servant to the wise and nurturing traditions of our ancestors rather than used as a force destructive to the environment and human health; and that science and knowledge can validate those traditions.
The Foundation's quarterly journal, Wise Traditions in Food, Farming, and the Healing Arts, is dedicated to exploring the scientific validation of dietary, agricultural and medical traditions throughout the world. It features illuminating and thought-provoking articles on current scientific research; human diets; non-toxic agriculture; and holistic therapies. The journal also serves as a reference for sources of foods that have been conscientiously grown and processed.
Shopping with Boys
This is at the grocery store. They have the cutest little carts, just their size, and small enough that I cannot just reach down and help direct them. I alternate putting things in either cart, sometimes asking them who wants it in their cart, and sometimes just taking turns. Sometimes I even let them get away with "sneaking" something of their own choice into their own carts.
Other times, I just put them both into the cart and add stuff that I want to buy into the part where the baby is supposed to sit, or on their laps if they feel ownership over it, or under the cart if it is too big to fit in the basket with them. They like it when I run fast and ride on the cart with them through the parking lot. In this picture Kaden is silly with his glasses on upside down. They love wearing sunglasses in the sun. The rule is that they have to leave them in the car so they don't get lost. I made an exception this time because they were contained, however Kaden kept wanting me to hold his, which I didn't because I was shopping, so he threw them in the store and didn't want them anymore. I saved them, but don't know where they are today. They aren't in the car.Being Pinned Down
The best way to get my 2yo to nap is to go and lay down with him and pretend to be asleep. The more believeable I am, the easier he falls asleep. Sometimes though, I fall asleep and he doesn't. I like to take a 15 minute nap, which basically is that once I wake up enough to realize I was alseep, I'm good to go. He likes to take a 2-3 hour nap, otherwise he is cranky and difficult the rest of the day, wanting everything and not wanting it when he gets it, spiraling downward into a blubbery, sad mess.
He has a sense of nearness to me, even when he is sleeping. If I leave the house for any amount of time, he will wake up immediately. If we are touching when he is asleep and I leave, he will get up to come find me. The best thing is if I can stay still near him and read a book until he wakes by himself. If I forget to take a book in with me, I'm stuck cleaning out text messages, updating my phonebook, or playing games on my phone. Normally, the other kids are entertaining themselves, so it is a nice quiet time for the two of us.
He likes my arm to be his pillow, and his legs over my leg. He calls it cuddles.
8.06.2010
A Call for Respect
A judge has ruled against the twice voted will of the California people, declaring Proposition 8 as unconstitutional. This means that the issue will be appealed to the federal courts to decide if a state has the right to set up its own laws.
The LDS church has issued a statement calling for "people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.”
This sounds like good advice to me. I have included the text of the links below, should something happen to them in the future.
Friday, August 06 2010
The Newest California Fault Line: Judge Rules Prop 8 UnconstitutionalBy Spencer Anderson National observers are saying the ruling this week on Prop 8 could become the Roe v. Wade of marriage.-->
Written by
Spencer Anderson
A landmark court ruling came down from Judge Vaughn Walker in California Wednesday. He concluded that Proposition 8—California’s ban on same-sex marriage—is unconstitutional. The proposition was supported by an overwhelming seven million California’s. 52% of voters decided to overturn a decision made by California’s state Supreme Court to legalize same-sex marriage. Even before Judge Walker ruled, both sides stated that they would appeal and send the case to the U.S. Supreme Court. Until the appeals process is complete, it’s likely no change in the law will occur.
Supporters say that Prop 8 protects the traditional form of marriage between a man and a woman, while opponents say gay couples are unfairly discriminated against under the law.
Religious and conservative groups, which sponsored Proposition 8, have asked the court to stay Walker's decision so that gay couples could not legally marry while the case is in the appeals process.
The case is historic because it marks the first time a federal court will decide whether a state can constitutionally bar same-sex couples from getting married.
The suit, which kicked off this January, pitted Proposition 8 against the U.S. Constitution. Homosexual activists, led by powerhouse attorneys like Ted Olson and David Boies, claim that the state's marriage amendment violates the "civil rights" of same-sex couples under the U.S. Constitution. The National Organization for Marriage has stated that, “It's important for Americans to recognize that with this decision, it ceases to be a California case. Since supporters of the law have promised an appeal, it means that this will become a national issue.”
Again, “Although the media keeps referring to it as "the Prop 8" case, this lawsuit has the ability to affect every marriage law in America because Judge Walker ruled that defining marriage as the union of a man and woman violates the federal Constitution--and if that ruling is upheld all the way through the Supreme Court--it would mean that same-sex "marriage" would be legal in all 50 states.
This would serve to overrule the will of the people all in states that have passed laws stating that marriage is only between one man and one woman; essentially every federal statute and state amendment. Only five states and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriage. That makes this case, quite literally, the Roe v. Wade of marriage.” Just like the recent ruling from a judge in Boston who ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, we are seeing judicial arrogance yet again with Judge Walker. This judicial oligarchy disrupts the voice of the people in over majority of states that have struck down gay marriage.
The appeal of this case will go to the liberal 9th Circuit court of appeals, which will likely support Judge Walker’s ruling, but would then be appealed to the Supreme Court. With the current makeup of the court, there is a good chance that Proposition 8 would be upheld and perhaps a more ironclad ruling will be made in support of traditional marriage. In a bit of irony, the supporters of gay marriage may have shot themselves in the foot by bringing this suit against Prop 8 now given the timing and natural process of the appeal process. In fact, there were many gay activists who resisted this lawsuit against Prop 8 at this time for this very reason.
Regardless, this current ruling is a striking example of judicial activism that needs to be dealt with by appointing judges who do not legislate from the bench. Unfortunately, we are likely going to see more rulings like this in the future, which is why a federal marriage amendment may be a necessary next step.
Friday, August 06 2010
LDS Church Statement on Prop 8 RulingBy Prepared by LDS Newsroom The Church issued a statement expressing regret over the ruling in a U.S. Dictrict Court in California calling Proposition 8 unconstitutional. -->
Written by
Prepared by LDS Newsroom
The Church issued the following statement today in response to the ruling by Judge Vaughn R. Walker of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California in Perry et al v. Schwarzenegger et al:
“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regrets today’s decision. California voters have twice been given the opportunity to vote on the definition of marriage in their state and both times have determined that marriage should be recognized as only between a man and a woman. We agree. Marriage between a man and a woman is the bedrock of society.
“We recognize that this decision represents only the opening of a vigorous debate in the courts over the rights of the people to define and protect this most fundamental institution—marriage.
“There is no doubt that today’s ruling will add to the marriage debate in this country, and we urge people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.”
The LDS church has issued a statement calling for "people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.”
This sounds like good advice to me. I have included the text of the links below, should something happen to them in the future.
Friday, August 06 2010
The Newest California Fault Line: Judge Rules Prop 8 UnconstitutionalBy Spencer Anderson National observers are saying the ruling this week on Prop 8 could become the Roe v. Wade of marriage.-->
Written by
Spencer Anderson
A landmark court ruling came down from Judge Vaughn Walker in California Wednesday. He concluded that Proposition 8—California’s ban on same-sex marriage—is unconstitutional. The proposition was supported by an overwhelming seven million California’s. 52% of voters decided to overturn a decision made by California’s state Supreme Court to legalize same-sex marriage. Even before Judge Walker ruled, both sides stated that they would appeal and send the case to the U.S. Supreme Court. Until the appeals process is complete, it’s likely no change in the law will occur.
Supporters say that Prop 8 protects the traditional form of marriage between a man and a woman, while opponents say gay couples are unfairly discriminated against under the law.
Religious and conservative groups, which sponsored Proposition 8, have asked the court to stay Walker's decision so that gay couples could not legally marry while the case is in the appeals process.
The case is historic because it marks the first time a federal court will decide whether a state can constitutionally bar same-sex couples from getting married.
The suit, which kicked off this January, pitted Proposition 8 against the U.S. Constitution. Homosexual activists, led by powerhouse attorneys like Ted Olson and David Boies, claim that the state's marriage amendment violates the "civil rights" of same-sex couples under the U.S. Constitution. The National Organization for Marriage has stated that, “It's important for Americans to recognize that with this decision, it ceases to be a California case. Since supporters of the law have promised an appeal, it means that this will become a national issue.”
Again, “Although the media keeps referring to it as "the Prop 8" case, this lawsuit has the ability to affect every marriage law in America because Judge Walker ruled that defining marriage as the union of a man and woman violates the federal Constitution--and if that ruling is upheld all the way through the Supreme Court--it would mean that same-sex "marriage" would be legal in all 50 states.
This would serve to overrule the will of the people all in states that have passed laws stating that marriage is only between one man and one woman; essentially every federal statute and state amendment. Only five states and the District of Columbia have legalized same-sex marriage. That makes this case, quite literally, the Roe v. Wade of marriage.” Just like the recent ruling from a judge in Boston who ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, we are seeing judicial arrogance yet again with Judge Walker. This judicial oligarchy disrupts the voice of the people in over majority of states that have struck down gay marriage.
The appeal of this case will go to the liberal 9th Circuit court of appeals, which will likely support Judge Walker’s ruling, but would then be appealed to the Supreme Court. With the current makeup of the court, there is a good chance that Proposition 8 would be upheld and perhaps a more ironclad ruling will be made in support of traditional marriage. In a bit of irony, the supporters of gay marriage may have shot themselves in the foot by bringing this suit against Prop 8 now given the timing and natural process of the appeal process. In fact, there were many gay activists who resisted this lawsuit against Prop 8 at this time for this very reason.
Regardless, this current ruling is a striking example of judicial activism that needs to be dealt with by appointing judges who do not legislate from the bench. Unfortunately, we are likely going to see more rulings like this in the future, which is why a federal marriage amendment may be a necessary next step.
Friday, August 06 2010
LDS Church Statement on Prop 8 RulingBy Prepared by LDS Newsroom The Church issued a statement expressing regret over the ruling in a U.S. Dictrict Court in California calling Proposition 8 unconstitutional. -->
Written by
Prepared by LDS Newsroom
The Church issued the following statement today in response to the ruling by Judge Vaughn R. Walker of the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of California in Perry et al v. Schwarzenegger et al:
“The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regrets today’s decision. California voters have twice been given the opportunity to vote on the definition of marriage in their state and both times have determined that marriage should be recognized as only between a man and a woman. We agree. Marriage between a man and a woman is the bedrock of society.
“We recognize that this decision represents only the opening of a vigorous debate in the courts over the rights of the people to define and protect this most fundamental institution—marriage.
“There is no doubt that today’s ruling will add to the marriage debate in this country, and we urge people on all sides of this issue to act in a spirit of mutual respect and civility toward those with a different opinion.”
Little People
How can I possibly remember how little my children once were unless I take pictures of their tinyness?
This is Kaden doing a computer puzzle. He isn't doing the puzzle on the screen, he is changing it to a six piece puzzle which he can solve in 1-3 minutes. He has learned how to click only the left mouse button, and how to navigate the jigzone website to get what he wants on the screen. He has learned how to take turns, so that he solves a "pah zoh" and then he sets one up for me that I solve. 
He will turn 3 next month and he is quite the mimic of his older siblings. This is the swing at grandma's house. It will fit two small children sitting, or one laying down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
